Thomas Jefferson famously said (among other things), “I cannot live without books.”

I’m the same way. Thanks to my cell phone and Kindle, which fit nicely in my purse or pocket, I never have to go anywhere without a book to read.

With everything that’s been going on with my Mom in the last few months, I wasn’t able to do much reading. I still had my phone and Kindle with me, and I even packed a few paperbacks in my suitcase, feeling certain I’d have plenty of down time when I could relax with a book.

But that down time didn’t materialize all that frequently; and when it did, I had a hard time concentrating on the book I was trying to read. As my mother’s health showed signs of failing and we moved ever closer to the moment she would leave this life and take her place in the presence of her Lord and Saviour, the thought of spending precious quiet moments reading a a novel never really crossed my mind. My attention was only on her.

Since my mother’s passing I’ve read very little beyond my Bible and my daily devotionals. I didn’t consciously cut fiction and biographies and history books from my daily reading routine; it just happened naturally. Matthew 6:8 says “God, who is your Father, knows your needs before you ask him.” And God knew better than I did when I packed those books, that my needs during the time of my mother’s final days would be met by immersing myself in His Word.

I’ve just passed the two-month mark since my mother’s passing, and yesterday—for the first time in I-can’t-remember-when—I picked up a novel I meant to read a few months ago.

I picked it up, but I didn’t open it. I admired the cover art and read the blurb and reviewer praises on the back cover, but I didn’t open it. Still, it was a nice feeling to hold the book in my hand; kind of like sitting on a bicycle after a long absence but knowing it wasn’t the right time to start pedaling.

So I put the book back on the shelf. One day I’ll take it down again and actually open the cover and start reading. But not today.

I’m still not quite ready to resume my old reading habits, but I think I’m getting close. In the meantime, I’ll keep relying on my Heavenly Father to point me in the direction of what I should be reading today. After all, He knows my needs before I do.